Salad Is Slaughter

Open Season B- My nephew sent me this for my birthday. A bear raised by a ranger is dropped in to the wilderness where he is ill prepared to survive. He and his buddy make their way back to civilization while being abused by other forest creatures. Overall it was an amusing movie, but you had to get over the stereotypes.

A Night At The Museum B+ A guy who fails at everything he tries gets a job as a museum night watchman. His only training: a sheaf of dog-eared instructions. Unfortunately, the retiring night watchmen neglect to tell him that every night the exhibits come alive.  A whole host of great characters in an orginal movie. I liked this one a lot.

In Her Shoes. F- What a piece of crap; we turned it off after 15 minutes. As near as I can tell, a slutty lawyer and her slutty, kleptomaniac sister are going through their various crises. None of the characters had anything likable about them, the dialog was uninteresting, and there wasn’t a plot to speak of.

Technorati Tags: movies

I tried out my new electric smoker for the first time on Sunday with a couple of pork steaks.  I didn’t feel like building my own rub so I just bought one from the grocery store.  I let the rub sit on the pork steaks for a couple of hours then tossed them in the smoker with some soaked hickory chips.  The smoker was at about 250 degrees F.  I know, because I put an oven thermometer inside the smoker.

The pork steaks cooked a lot faster than I thought they would.  They were basically cooked after about 2 hours and I mopped them with a beer and commercial sauce mix.  The pork steaks had a definite hickory flavor and were really tender.  Unfortunately, they were also a bit dry.  I think next time I’ll simmer them in the mop sauce after they’re cooked to try and add some moisture to them.

Monday was my second attempt at smoking.  This time I took the commercial rub and applied it to a rack of baby back ribs for a couple of hours.  My wood selection was mesquite.  Again the smoker temperature was at about 250 degrees F.

Both books I’ve got said that baby back ribs take about 4 to 6 hours, but these started to pull back from the bone after 2 hours.  I decided to stick with my original plan and finish the cooking process on the gas grill.  I did the transfer and sauced up the ribs with a commercial sauce.  I made sure I had both sides against the grill for some of the final cooking time.  This gave a bit of crispiness on the ribs.

These were some of the best ribs I’ve ever had.  They were tender, juicy, and had a great flavor.  The only think that cold have improved these ribs would be a better sauce.

I also tossed a couple of pineapple rings on the gas grill and they turned out great.  Next time I want to try grilling sliced peaches because I’ve heard that’s also really good.

Next time I think I’ll lower the temperature of the smoker a bit, and shoot for around 225 degrees F or so, especially if I’m doing pulled pork or a beef brisket.  Smoking is definitely a good way to cook.  The only drawback is the length of time it takes, and that I have to close off the area so the dogs don’t come by and get burned.

UPDATE: Read more about the Pinon Canyon here. Sign the petition here.

Senator Feinstein,

This past Sunday, the Denver Post reported that the United States Army is planning to turn the Picket Wire Canyonlands in the Commanche National Grasslands near Fort Carson in to a bombing range. This would be a tragedy and a national disgrace.

The Picket Wire Canyonlands is one of the richest fossil fields in North America containing dinosaur finds dating back over 150 million years. Only a portion of this area has been explored by scientists. If the Army is allowed to use this area for bombing practice, new discoveries won’t be made, gaps in our knowledge won’t be filled, and we are all poorer for it.

In addition, the Canyonlands’ rock walls have 1,000 drawings and carvings left by prehistoric hunters and gatherers. Priceless artifacts left by the continent’s earliest inhabitants could be lost forever just because someone wants something new to blow up.

I urge you to put a stop to the Army’s plans to destroy evidence of our world’s past. Keeping the Picket Wire Canyonlands as an unspoiled area benefits us all. Allowing the Army to destroy it is a crime our children won’t forgive. Please help keep the United States in the forefront of science and stop the senseless destruction of our past.

Frank Hofer

Technorati Tags: politics, science, fossils

Aliens Petition U.N. To Forbid X Prize

Extraterrestrials this past week asked the United Nations to put a stop to the X Prize, a $10,000,000 prize awarded to the first private company or individual to send three people into space to a 100-kilometer (62.5 miles) altitude, then repeat the launch with the same spacecraft 2 weeks later.

“With the announcement that Anthony Haynes of Great Britain will be launching his craft by 2005, and with the progress already made by Burt Rutan of the United States, we feel the time is right to step forward and request that the X Prize be cancelled,” stated an unnamed gelatinous blob.

“If these people are successful we expect that humanity will begin moving out into the cosmos in greater numbers.  We didn’t have this worry when Earth space programs were strictly government operations.  With their huge budgets letting them gold plate their launch vehicles and pad their payrolls along with all of the pork barrel politics it would be millennia before the human race got past lunar orbit.  Private companies with limited budgets and not infected with the “Not Invented Here” attitude of government programs will show real results.

“The X Prize must be made illegal before humans invade our worlds, pollute our planets, open up Starbucks coffee shops, and fill our cities with fast food restaurants.  Please, we beg you.  Don’t allow private companies to compete for that prize.”

Additionally, the extraterrestrials have begun a campaign of planting discouraging engineering reports stating that the proposed designs will not work. Although reports such as these are getting some notice, Burt Rutan whose X-Prize scheme is air-launched, criticized the alien’s assessment and vowed to continue his quest for space.

The United Nations Security Council is expected to meet in closed session sometime within the next year to discuss the request put forth by the gelatinous blob.

Posted by: Mike Perative on 7/14/2003 7:34:52 AM

My Daughter the Swimmer

Dear Mr. Normus,

My daughter Katherine is really into swimming.  She swims all the time.  When she’s not swimming in meets she’s talking about swimming in meets.  I’ve never seen a girl so into swimming.  While we’re very proud of her we’re a little worried that she spends so much time in the water.  It’s almost like all that fish that I ate when I was pregnant got passed on to her.  What should I do?

Di Roseburg
Missouri

Dear Di,

The reason your daughter Katherine likes the water so much is right in your letter!  When you were carrying her you ate a lot of fish.  The fish genes were passed to Katherine while she was in the uterus and they became a part of her.  Your daughter is part fish and it’s perfectly natural for her to want to swim all of the time.

I can hear you now…  “Come on, Dick.  Eating fish gives you the ability of a fish?”  Well, yes it does.  Even primitive peoples knew that if you ate your enemies, you would acquire their battle skills.  The same holds true in this case.  Extensive research by EGI scientists has shown that the mothers of most of the Olympic record holders in swimming ate a large amount of fish during pregnancy.  Those mothers who ate fast fish produced children who could swim faster than mothers who ate slow fish.  It’s really simple genetic inheritance.

You really don’t need to do anything about Katherine.  Encourage her to swim and maybe some day she’ll be in the Olympics, with all the big money endorsements that implies.

Posted by: Richard E. Normus on 7/14/2003 7:30:08 AM