Salad Is Slaughter

How Are News Anchors Selected?

Dear Richard,

I was watching the local news the other night and it finally hit me;  these people are idiots!  They laugh at nothing, joke during what should be serious news stories, ask inane questions, and in general seem to be really stupid.  How did they get their jobs?

Carlos Malone
Cleveland, Ohio

Dear Carlos,

The reason that your local newscasters appear to be idiots is because they are idiots.  And the answer to your question is that they got their jobs because they have good hair.  I know it sounds stupid, but all you need to have in order to be a “broadcast journalist” is a great looking hairstyle. 

Your local stations, and the networks for the most part select people who can read the news based upon how they look.  The stations want beautiful people on camera.  The television stations are interested in one thing:  ratings.  Station management believes that viewers care more about looking at someone pretty than being informed, so they’ll get higher ratings and can charge more for commercials.

The secondary requirement is to get people in front of the camera who match your local demographics.  For example, if there are a lot of Hispanics in your local area the station will employ a nice looking Hispanic to read the news.  If there are a large number of Asians where you live, you must have an Asian on camera.  If you live in Lexington, Kentucky or San Francisco, California, the station will hire a man or woman who exhibits stereotypical gay or lesbian mannerisms or dress.  Journalistic credentials just don’t matter when you’re hiring on-air personalities.

It’s almost impossible to get in-depth news coverage from your television.  I suggest you stick with EGI for your news needs.

Posted by: Richard E. Normus on 11/17/2003 8:19:13 AM

Internet Search Engine Users Outraged

Users of Internet search engines such as Google and Yahoo expressed outrage this week over misleading results returned by their queries.  Especially frustrated were young men ages 18 to 35 that were looking for a free download of the Paris Hilton Sex Video.  These searchers who were typically unmarried virgins who have never had a date could hardly contain their fury.

“I just wanted so see what all the fuss was about,” fumed upset pornography seeker Mike Dennis.  “Everybody was talking about how some famous chick I never heard of had made a sex tape and naturally I wanted to see it.  I don’t look at that much porno, maybe twice a day, and I said to myself – Hey, let’s see what this Paris Hilton’s got.  I did a couple of searches for Paris Hilton and kept getting links to a hotel in France.  Then I added the sex video phrase and got all these pages that just put the words Paris Hilton Sex Video on them so they’d come up first in a search engine’s results page.  There should be a law against that!”

Other pornography searchers had similar complaints.  “I heard about that Paris Hilton tape on Howard Stern’s radio show the other day and when Howard told Robin Quivers that he had seen it, I wanted to be just like him and see it too,” seethed Bob Brown.  “I thought I’d relax with the same video that Stern was watching that day.  I was pissed.  Every link I clicked on had tricked me.  There was no movie, no naked women, nothing.”

Complaints about misleading search results are expected to escalate as more seldom-read web sites attempt to increase their number of hits by putting often searched-for keywords onto their pages.  Websites lure the search engines by using repetative phrases, such as -

“Paris Hilton in a sex video, featuring a nude Paris Hilton and Nicole Lenz having sexual intercourse, naked.  A video available here showing Paris Hilton, Nicole Lenz having sex, a.k.a. (the Paris Hilton sex video), containing Paris Hilton, Nicole Lenz totally nude and having sex in the sex video. Paris Hilton, Nicole Lenz, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Anna Kournikova, Britney Spears and Jennifer Aniston in a sex video available here, free (that’s right, the Paris Hilton sex video, available uncensored and for free).  The uncensored sex video of Paris Hilton having sex with Nicole Lenz in a sex video featuring Paris Hilton, Nicole Lenz, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Anna Kournikova, Britney Spears and Jennifer Aniston nude and uncensored, for free.  The free sex video of Paris Hilton, Nicole Lenz, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Anna Kournikova, Britney Spears and Jennifer Aniston having sex in the Paris Hilton’s sex video.“

“It’s unethical, that’s what it is,” said EGI editor Gil Le Bell.  “Increasing traffic to your web site by putting phrases such as Free Paris Hilton Sex Video is just plain wrong.  Sure, you might increase the number of ad impressions you get on your page and make more money, but you’re just going to piss people off.  Besides, I found that Paris Hilton tape on the web – paid $2.69 to download it and EGI won’t even reimburse me for it, but that’s another complaint – and she isn’t even that hot.”

Posted by: Missy Enformed on 11/17/2003 8:08:47 AM

It doesn’t look like much from the outside.  In fact it doesn’t  look like much from the inside either, but if you’re in Salt Lake City and pass up the Red Iguana restaurant, you will be sorry.  As we walked in I noticed a white board listing the daily specials and one immediately caught my eye:  carnitas enchiladas covered in a mango mole sauce.  I looked at the menu but I knew that the special was what I wanted.

 Janet ordered a margarita while I ordered a diet coke.  I probably should have ordered one as well.  Normally I don’t care for them but this one was great.  Janet is a margarita connoisseur and she said it was the best she ever had.  It tasted like it was made with fresh lime juice and the tequila wasn’t overpowering.

We sat and munched on some chips and salsa while waiting for our food.  The chips are pretty thick.  The salsa was good but I thought it could have used a bit more kick to it.  Janet disagreed.

The main dish was better than I could have hoped for.  The carnitas were cooked to perfection and the mango mole was incredible.  The mole was smooth and creamy and the subtle mango flavor went really well with the pork.  I made sure I got every drop of the sauce.

The menu lists seven unique moles.  I was chatting with the waitress about them and she brought out samples of each.  They were all amazing.  One of my favorites was the mole amarillo made with habanero peppers, but I would definitely order any of them again. 

The service was really friendly - she did bring out mole samples after all - and I shall return the next time I’m in Utah.

Technorati Tags: food, restaurants

“In every country and in every age the priest has been hostile to liberty; he is always in alliance with the despot, abetting his abuses in return for protection to his own.”
-Thomas Jefferson

Last night we opened up a bottle of Sauvignon Republic’s Russian River Valley Sauvignon Blanc. I’m not sure where we got it; Beverages and More or Costco, or one of those places. It looks like we have another winner.

Sauvignon Republic’s sauvignon blanc was a bit different from what I’m used to. The flavors were more subtle but still stood up surprisingly well with the pasta and red clam sauce we were serving as a main dish. The tasting notes refer to tropical fruit flavors in the wine, and I think that’s why it went matched with the meal. A bit of citrus is always good with seafood.

Janet now rates the Sauvignon Republic’s sauvignon blanc as one of her favorites. I don’t give it marks quite that high - I still like Charles Krug and St. Supery a bit better - but we will be buying more Sauvignon Republic in the future.

An interesting thing about Sauvignon Republic: they specialize in sauvignon blanc and don’t have any other varietals. From their site:

It is a grape variety that expresses “terroir” (the place that it is grown) more profoundly than almost any other grape variety. California, New Zealand, South Africa, Chile and France are the locations where it has shown greatness. We intend to produce a wine in each area. It will allow us to promote and share the unique flavors that each location provides.

I may have to order some of their other wines and do a comparison.

Technorati Tags: wine