Salad Is Slaughter

Excellent summation on why a lot of us are angry at religion: http://gretachristina.typepad.com/greta_christinas_weblog/2007/10/atheists-and-an.html

VRC Names Ogden Man ‘Sexiest Carnivore’ in Inaugural Contest

Ogden native Mike Smith — recently named “Sexiest Carnivore Alive” by the Vegetable Rights Coalition — hopes to use his title as a platform to educate others about the social, political and moral merits of a vegetable-free existence.  He’s also hoping to score a few dates.

The baby-faced Weber State student won the title last week over hundreds who entered the online contest sponsored by the VRC.  “I don’t think it’s necessary in American society to eat plants anymore,” said Smith, 18, who hasn’t touched a morsel of plant material in more than a year. “I thought this was a pretty humorous way to get the word out about Carnivoreism.”

“Beefcake Boy,” as Smith is referred to on the VRC Web site, says he wouldn’t mind if his new fame helped him land some girlfriends.  “I’ll play some Beethoven on the piano,” Smith said, stressing that he’s a classical musician. He also claims that his muscular physique is not the result of working out, but rather, of sticking to a Carnivore diet.  He says he plans to study law in order to promote and defend vegetable rights.

The VRC, a group based in Kansas City, says the contest generated so much interest they’ll make it an annual event.  And they’re proud that Smith is their poster boy.

“He’s fit, he’s sexy, he’s intelligent,” said J.C. Hoper, VRC’s president. “And best of all, he loves a good steak.”

Posted by: Mike Perative on 3/1/2004 8:16:44 AM

Why can’t we all just get along?

Dear Dick

Why does it seam like so many countries hate America?  What did we ever do to them?

William Jefferson
Little Rock, AK

Dear William,

America didn’t do anything to them, but to help you understand why other countries hate the U.S., let’s look at it from a sports perspective.  Basketball fans outside of the Los Angeles area hate the Lakers.  Baseball fans that don’t live in New York hate the Yankees.  Hockey fans outside of Michigan hate the Red Wings.  On the other hand, basketball fans don’t hate the Clippers, baseball fans don’t care about the Royals, and hockey fans don’t despise the Penguins.

What do all of the hated teams have in common?  They are the best, and everyone hates the best.  Fans want their teams to be the most dominate in their sport, and when they realize that it will never happen, they get jealous.  Why does no one hate the L.A. Clippers?  Because no one is jealous of them, and no one wants to be like them.

The same is true of nations and citizens of those nations.  Those other countries hate America because America is the best country in the world, everyone else realizes it, and they are just jealous.  They see Americans excelling at everything important.  America leads the world in science, art, technology, music, and cuisine.  No one else even comes close.  Those other countries behave like jealous children, stamp their feet, protest, and cry.

No one gives a rat’s ass about countries like Mexico, the Congo, or Viet Nam because no one wants to be like them.  They want to be the best, and since America is the best, America is the team to beat and the team to hate.

Don’t worry about what the other countries think.  They will soon be swept up into the dustbin of history.

 Posted by: Richard E. Normus on 2/23/2004 8:48:04 AM

Georgia To Eliminate Science Classes

Georgia Education Superintendent Kathy Cox has announced that beginning next year all science classes will be eliminated from the state’s curriculum.  Superintendent Cox’s action was in response to former President Jimmy Carter’s protest at Cox’s plan to eliminate the word “evolution” from science classrooms.

“Upon further investigation I’ve determined that the science classroom is antithetical to our moral upbringing,” said Cox.  “I took a look at some astronomy books last week and they talked about something called “the speed of light.”  Now any dern fool can see that light is instantaneous.  A basic error like that throws the whole science of astronomy into question.  Remove the concept of a “light year” from the book and you have to throw away the whole thing.

“Then there was a book I read on geology.  It was just one error after another.  That book said that the Earth is over 4 billion years old and took millions of years to form, but I learned in Sunday School that the universe was made in six days and that the world is 6000 years old.  And would you believe that the stupid book had absolutely no mention of Noah’s Great Flood?  How could they miss something as big as that?  I mean, really — the Great Flood carved the Grand Canyon.”

“We in the state of Georgia don’t really think that science is that important anyway.  We can always bring in physicians, engineers, computer programmers, and agronomists from other states on a temporary basis to do whatever work needs to be done.  Obviously we wouldn’t want those kinds of people here in the great state of Georgia because they might confuse our citizens with their secular ideas,” said Cox.  “I’m not sure they would want to live here anyway, seeing as how we won’t teach their kids science.”

Former President Jimmy Carter said Friday he was embarrassed by the Georgia Department of Education proposal to eliminate all science classes from the state’s curriculum.  “As a Christian, a trained engineer and scientist, and a professor at Emory University, I am embarrassed by Superintendent Kathy Cox’s attempt to censor and distort the education of Georgia’s students,” Carter said in a written statement. “There is no need to teach that stars can fall out of the sky and land on a flat Earth in order to defend our religious faith.”

Cox defended her decision by pointing out that the Bible teaches that the Earth is flat and that stars can fall out of the sky.  “Who should we believe, a scientist who only works with facts, or my local preacher who speaks with God?  And our God demands that his people ignore scientific truth and have faith in the Scriptures.  We are going to turn Georgia into a place where real Christians will want to live.  I can only see positive things happening when we get rid of science.”

 Posted by: Missy Enformed on 2/23/2004 8:46:39 AM

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like  Frank.”
Passenger: “Who?”
Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”
Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him  play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”
Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.
Cabbie: “There’s more… He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse,  and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do  everything right.”
Passenger. “Wow, some guy then.”
Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he  never  made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her  feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and  his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank  Feldman.”
Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”
Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank…
I just married his f’ing widow.”